Regulation plays a critical role in our ability to express ourselves in healthy ways. A regulated nervous system is the foundation for positive engagement, learning, and resilience. The ability to self-regulate affects our physical states, energy levels, attention, emotions, and behavior. Well-regulated people are more likely to respond than react, to form healthy relationships, to meet challenges effectively, and to deal with challenging behaviors.

Staying regulated is like having an effective internal manager. We are better able to listen, accurately process information, and be compassionate. We can talk with those who have a different viewpoint and solve problems together, and we act in ways that are pro-self and pro-social. In short, a well-regulated nervous system is key to a happy and successful life.

On the other hand, a brain and body system that is prone to dysregulation is a liability (Stein and Kendall 2014). Dysregulation disrupts developing mind-body systems and leads to ongoing negative emotions and behaviors. Problems staying regulated become the basis for chronic negative patterns. One of the most important tasks we can undertake is to help children learn to self-regulate. Adults can teach, model, and remediate regulation skills in order to give children a chance to learn and thrive.

It is important to recognize that adults often assume that children should be able to regulate themselves. However, some children have not yet acquired these skills (DelaHooke 2019). For others, especially children who demonstrate serious disruptive or destructive behaviors, a dysregulated nervous system may be habitual. The good news is that advances in science have deepened our understanding of how the brain develops, learns, and regulates. With this knowledge, it is now possible to impact directly the systems that help or hinder self-control.